A cynical, high-stakes statement for those who play the game—and know the cost.

This is a crisp, heavyweight cotton tee with a pared-back, satirical finance design that speaks with quiet confidence. While the front remains minimal, the back presents a tall, monochromatic typographic statement: "Everything I Love is Illegal, Expensive, or Brunette." It reads like an insider’s joke for anyone who moves between boardrooms, high-end bars, and the gray areas in between—subtle enough to be ignored by the uninitiated, bold enough to be recognized by those who get it. The structured crew neck and classic, boxy fit ensure it sits perfectly under a blazer or stands alone as a focal piece.

Product features

- Strong, smooth 100% cotton face for crisp DTG prints and long-lasting color

- Tubular knit (no side seams) for reduced waste and a clean, boxy silhouette

- Ribbed, stretchy collar with shoulder tape to maintain shape and prevent stretching

- Medium-weight fabric (180 g/m²) that holds structure while remaining comfortable year-round

- Tear-away label, Oeko-Tex certified, and produced with ethically sourced US cotton (made in Nicaragua)

Care instructions

- Non-chlorine: bleach as needed

- Do not iron

- Do not dryclean

- Machine wash: cold (max 30C or 90F)

- Tumble dry: low heat